Oink, Snort or Squeal
by Sgt.S.Pepper
Summary: Bored Don and Charlie play a little game in the car. Another random piece about more random events.


Ok, so I'm back and very thankful for all reviews I've had for my other Numb3rs stories. This one came to me when I was sitting with my brother in the waiting bay at KFC. It's been written in quite a rush because I want to go to bed, but I also wanted to get this out. Anyway, please don't mind the randomness and hopefully, you enjoy the story. Apologies once again for it's oddness.

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**Oink, Snort or Squeal**

Don switched the car off and sighed, leaning back in his seat and turning to look at Charlie who sat beside him in the passenger seat.

"You think there's any way we can get them to give us our money back?" Don asked, to which Charlie responded by raising an eyebrow.

"Why would they?

"Well, because," Stated Don. "It's totally false advertising isn't it? I mean it's called a fast food store yeah? And they have drive-thru's for convenience and speed, right? Yet here we are, parked and waiting in the stupid waiting bay of some greasy fast food restaurant having to wait three minutes for a bucket of chicken. How is that speedy? How is that convenient for me?"

Charlie rolled his eyes. "I didn't realize you were in such a rush being that it's 8pm on a Friday night."

"Not the point Charlie. It's the principle that matters here! I can claim that I have been falsely advised by their advertisement that this is indeed a 'fast' food restaurant, and in turn, wasted a good solid three minutes of my life which I could be spending doing other things besides sitting in my car at 8pm on a Friday night. For the pain and torture I am going through waiting for a simple bucket of chicken, it's just not fair!"

Charlie sighed, turning to look out the window. "Of course Don. How could that have slipped my mind?"

"Exactly!" cried Don, before the car fell silent. Charlie took the time to count as many leaves as he possibly could on a little bush that sat just outside of his window. Don, however, couldn't quite keep himself as calm.

"Damnit, I'm hungry."

"There's a kitty in the bushes." Charlie said softly, obviously choosing to ignore Don's last statement. He leant his head back against the headrest of his seat, and watched the small grey furball play amongst the leaves.

"Hungry be I." Murmured Don, turning his head to inspect what it was his brother was occupying himself with. Even in the darkness, he could make out the small outline of the kitten playing amongst the bushes.

"You're such a whinger." Muttered Charlie, rolling his head along the headrest to look at Don. "You're the one who requested chicken tonight."

"Yeah but I was falsely made to believe that this chicken would be fast, hence the title 'fast food'!" cried Don, emphasizing his point by waving his hands about.

"The amount of grease that's going to be filtering through our veins tonight… Ew, I don't even want to think about it." Charlie shuddered at the thought. Don huffed.

"Yeah well, fast food for us is a rarity, and I've been craving a big fat greasy chicken and beer for the last two weeks, and tonight just seemed like the right night."

Charlie laughed. "Does it have anything to do with the fact that Dad isn't home tonight?" To this, Don began drumming a beat with his fingers on the steering wheel.

"We must hide all evidence. You know Dad, he'd lecture us about the crap we're putting in our bodies, and of course I agree with him completely. But tonight I needed to insert a chicken in me, and thus I will."

Charlie looked horrified at Don. "Do you realize how wrong that sounded?"

Don rolled his eyed. "That's right, I should have remembered what a filthy mind my little brother has."

"You're the one who claims to need to insert a chicken in himself!" countered Charlie, unbelieving that he and his brother were even having this conversation. "Alright, subject dropped. How long has it been?"

Don peered at his watch. "Going on fifteen days."

Charlie's eyebrow once again rose. "I meant how long have we been sitting here."

Don's mouth formed a perfect 'o' as he once again peered at his watch. "I thought you meant how long have I been craving to insert a chicken in me. It's been about a minute."

Charlie sighed, once again resting his head back against the headrest. Don proceeded to whistle.

"I swear, next time, we're going to some other chicken place. Not here. I ain't waiting three dang minutes for my chicken. It's **MY** chicken. A man shouldn't have to wait for his own chicken." Don grumbled. Charlie shook his head slowly, closing his eyes in rest.

Once again, the car had fallen silent, but Charlie knew it wouldn't last. Don was in a playful mood, and thus expecting normalcy from him would be inane. Charlie still took into consideration how nice it was to be spending his Friday night with his big brother. His father had gone out for the night with Millie, and Charlie's original plan was to stay at home and go through some equations and whatnot. However, with Don's latest case having been completely taken care of, Don demanded he and Charlie have a 'boys' night' at Charlie's. Of course, Charlie knew Don's meaning of 'boys' night' was greasy food, beer, and either a movie or something sports related on the television. And, of course, Charlie didn't mind at all.

"I swear, it's going on fifty million hours. If they don't come out in two minutes, you go in there Charlie and demand for our bucket of chicken. If need be, you jump that counter and grab as many chicken pieces as you can possibly fit in your shirt, pants, whatever, and then I'll bring the car around, and we hightail it to Europe where no one will find us or catch us."

Charlie cleared his throat. "How about no, Don."

"Well, at least walk out and find where our chicken is."

"Nuh-uh, not me. I'm wearing daggy pyjama pants. You go in. You're all spiffy in your fancy suit and slick, suave hair."

Don huffed. "Hey, not my fault you decided to come dressed as a bum."

"Hey, you're the one who told me to come! I said I'd just wait at home, but nope! You said I should come for the trip. I was being nice."

"I'm paying for the chicken."

"I'm not the one planning on inserting as much chicken into me as you are."

"I wasn't planning on inserting chicken into you."

Charlie paused. "Wait, what? Oh! Oh! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts!"

To this, Don laughed. Charlie rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that night, and Don clapped his hands together. "Ok, let's play a game. Name a game."

Charlie's reply to Don was a simple blank stare. This time, it was Don who rolled his eyes.

"Well, aren't we full of fun tonight."

Charlie clicked his tongue in his mouth. "Ok, how about this. It's this really dumb game Amita and I made up a while ago when we were mucking around whilst marking some tests."

Don cut in. "Charlie, games you and Amita play are not games two brothers should play. Sorry buddy." Don received a sharp smack to the arm.

"Fine, we'll just sit here in the silence then if you don't want to know the game." Charlie replied, shrugging in a jokingly sulking manner.

"Aw bubba." Cooed Don, playing along with the joke. "Go on, tell me."

"Ok, it's really dumb, but we called it 'Oink, Snort or Squeal."

Charlie smiled shyly. Don stared blankly. "Go on."

"It's really dumb, ok? It's so silly! All you do is either oink like a pig, snort or squeal and the other person has to guess what you did."

All Don found himself able to do at that moment was stare dumbfounded at his brother. "That's what you teach to your students?"

Charlie nudged Don. "Shush. I know it's stupid, but it was funny when Amita and I played it. Don't worry, let's just wait for them to bring the food out."

And again, the car was enveloped in silence, only this time it was much more awkward. Charlie felt a little embarrassed for releasing a personal and private joke between he and Amita, and now felt as though his brother considered it to be silly. What happened next, however, was something Charlie wasn't expecting.

Out of nowhere, Don let out a ripper of a snort, causing Charlie to jump in his seat. When Don was done, he cleared his throat and licked his lips as he turned towards his brother. Charlie sat silently, staring out the front of the window motionless and seemingly in shock. Don cracked a smile, before turning to join Charlie in his quest to stare into the great beyond that was out the front window.

"Snort. That was such a snort." Came Charlie's soft reply. Don cleared his throat.

"You would be correct."

Suddenly, Charlie let out a near ear-piercing squeal, catching Don off guard to the point that he smacked his hand against the window.

"That was a squeal and a half!" To this, Charlie cracked a smile. Don cleared his throat, bellowing out an oink that would have made anyone outside the car truly believe a pig was in their presence. Charlie couldn't help but burst into laughter, causing Don to do the same.

"That was probably the greatest oink I've ever heard in my life!"

This time, it was Charlie who let out the noise, to which Don jumped in his seat.

"Oink!"

"Nope!"

"Are you kidding me Charlie? That was an oink!"

"No, it was a snort!"

"No way, that was an oink!"

"Snort, Don!"

"Charlie, do you not know what noise pigs make? That was an oink!"

"I'm telling you Don, that was a snort!"

"No, that's not a snort! I'll show you a snort! With a snort, you just bellow out like this." Don proceeded to bellow out his attempt at a snort.

"Nah, that was an oink!"

"No, this is an oink!" And once again, Don showed Charlie his attempt at an oink.

"Don, you've totally got it wrong, let me show you." And thus, Charlie began defining the differences between his attempt at a snort and an oink.

"Charlie, brother, I love you more than anything, but you are wrong. This is a snort."

"Hey, Donnie, don't do-"

"No seriously, this is a snort. Listen and watch my mouth."

"No, Don, listen, don't-"

"Shush Charlie, let me show you."

"Sir?"

Don heard the third voice pipe up; a voice not belonging to Charlie. As he turned his head to face his window, he had built up his snort to the point that there was no turning back. It was at that point that Don belted out the most incredulous snort Charlie, let alone the poor employee holding a bucket of hot chicken belonging to Don and Charlie, had ever heard.

Everything fell silent again. Don's mouth hung open in sheer embarrassment. Charlie was unable to move. The girl in her uniform still held the bucket of chicken to her chest. After a beat, she slowly held it out to Don.

"Our apologies for the wait sir. Please enjoy your meal." And with that, she turned and raced back into the store. Don sat there holding the bucket of chicken on his lap staring out the front window of the car. Everything was still and silent, until the corners of Charlie's mouth slowly began to point upwards, and a smile literally cracked onto his face. Don cleared his throat.

"Why don't we head home then?" he said softly, turning to place the bucket in the backseat of the car. As he slowly turned back around, he caught eye contact with Charlie and took note of the smile cracking his face. Slowly, Don felt the corners of his mouth rise, no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

In a matter of seconds, both brothers were hysterically laughing, neither one able to control the volume of their laughter. This action went on for a good further ten minutes, until both brothers realized they needed to stop laughing for fear of asphyxiation and the possibility of passing out. When both had finally dulled their hysteria to lying back in their seats simply chuckling, it was then Don had realized he had his chicken in possession.

"Right, let's go home. The Brothers Eppes have done enough damage here." He said, turning the car on and slowly driving out of the parking lot. Charlie still sat in his seat, chuckling softly to himself. Don licked his lips.

"I need to get this chicken in me."

"No matter how many times you say that Don, it's never going to sound normal."

"Well, at least it's better than me saying I want to insert the chicken in you."

"EW! DON!"


End file.
